Too Young to Kiss

The DJ booth separates the room, boys on one side and girls on the other like usual. Boys and girls should be separated; we do not have the mature personalities to converse with the opposite gender yet. The boys were to the left, some on their new camera phones, exploring the new world of photos through their mobile device; some bobbing their bodies to the beat of The Black Eyed Peas newest hit, “Roses.”  The girls are to the right, some whispering in one another’s ear with their hands over their mouths, telling secrets and starting drama with the group of girls next to them. The rest of the girls dancing, showing off their dance routine they are working on for their recital coming up in May. Meanwhile, I am thinking about all of the excuses I could use to leave this shindig. I knew I should not have came, why did I listen to my friends?

I tried avoiding my friends for most of the night, but sooner or later they found me.

“Kristen! Dan is looking all over for you, stop being a baby and go dance with your boyfriend!”

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and I began to taste my pasta and meatballs Mom had made for dinner. I was going to be sick. As I snapped myself out of my prude funk, my “friends” dragged poor Dan over to me.

“Uhm DJ can you please put on a slow song?!”

Bitches. Could they be any more forceful? Dan approached me, our feet met, and eyes locked. My hands reached over his shoulders as his wrapped around my waste. I stare through the dark tunnel in his mouth caused from the huge gap between his two front teeth. We did not say a word to one another, but I knew he was not ready for this either. I know it sounds stupid, but no one talks to their boyfriend or girlfriend in the sixth grade, it is just cool to say you have one. But right now, it didn't feel so cool; it felt like a stomach virus.

The last verse to Christina Aguilera’s “Come on over,” song was on, and my palms began to sweat. I felt my friends staring at me, waiting for it to happen. Dan closed his eyes, and counted to three quietly to himself (little did he know I had extremely sensitive hearing). Before I knew it, his sweaty wet, emotionless lips were latched onto mine, it was a nightmare. Forgetting to close my eyes, I watched my entire sixth grade class point towards our direction.

Britney Spears began to echo the room and Dan jolted form me before I could blink. I turn to my friends, watching them giggle. “Okay, so now it’s your turn, I will go find your boyfriends.” I said to my friends, thinking that is exactly what they wanted since they made me do it first. Before they could answer, the lights turned on and the music ended, it was time to go home. I stepped into my Mom’s Toyota truck, feeling guilty and sick to my stomach. Looking over to her right, my mom asked me how my night was. Over supplying my lips with Chap Stick I responded, “I will never let my friends boss me around again.” 

Brainstorming for short essay #2

I really had trouble with possible ideas for my second short essay. Here are a list of topics I could possibly work with:

 

1.      The first time I got stitches due to riding my oversized bike with no hands.

2.      My first kiss (and how horrible of an experience it was)

3.      Moving my sister into college

4.      The time I fell in front of a full restaurant while waitressing.

I think depending on what route I want to take, funny, embarrassing, or emotional, is where my choice in topic lies on. I could write about all four of the topics given, I am just not sure where to start from here. I think if I write a few words just listing emotions I felt during the four listed topics will help me choose which one I would like to write about.

 

1.      The first time I got stitched due to riding my oversized bike with no hands

a.       Defeated

b.      Petrified

c.       Angry

d.      Embarrassed

e.       Aching

2.      My first kiss

a.       Nervous

b.      Scared

c.       Nauseous

d.      Disgusted

e.       Disappointed

f.       Shameful

g.      Sinful

3.      Moving my sister into college

a.       Joyful

b.      Worried

c.       Reminiscing

d.      Shock

e.       Overwhelmed

4.      The time I fell in front of a full restaurant while waitressing

a.       Livid

b.      Embarrassed

c.       Upset

Two Different Worlds

On the outside looking in, everything seems to be fine; maybe Sandy did not have a chance to stop here. The house is still in place, grey, with a black front door, and a thick brick path leading to the back entrance. The back entrance is what we have used since I was a child; along with the outdoor dinner table and outdoor shower; we always managed to spend most of our time outside.

Using the right side of my hip to bust through the hunter green door, a sense of shock and reality hits me like an eighteen wheeler truck. It’s me, my mother, my father, and little sister, surrounded by pillars, pillars, three feet of water and more pillars. It seems that these pillars were the only thing keeping this house in place, but I could not wrap my head around it with the smell of mold that was traveling through my nose and into my brain; I found myself losing brain cells by the millisecond. However, the pillars felt weak, there was much more keeping this house standing than meaningless pieces of wood.

I watched my mother’s pupils dilate, they were creating such active commotion that I could see her childhood and greatest memories flash before her eyes. Running her hands through her short, jet black hair to collect herself, she grabbed everything she could rescue; pictures of the family, of my sister and I, of gram. She managed to grab the few decorations that had survived the storm, and a few throw pillows just to hold for a sense of hope on our ride home. She also stumbled upon the one book that did not have one scratch or tear at all, Ortley Beach. I never read the book growing up, I had always thought it was used for show; my mother has a tendency to use functional objects as decorations. The way she held the book so tightly against her chest, left me with the impression that she would no longer be using it as a typical embellishment.

“Come on girls, time to go back home,” my parents said to my sister and I as we inhaled and exhaled slowly, taking photos in our head every time our eyelids blinked. As my parents left the temperature dropped lower and the pillars suddenly appeared weaker.

 I look down at the fifty year old kitchen tile; I take a mental picture of the brown stain that has been a mystery since summer 2004. I snap another one of the day bed, located across from the oven in the kitchen. I see four of us cousins squeezing into the double bed just to have a place to sit in this four room memory. My last picture is of the wooden picnic table in the breeze way, the long, cheery brown table that seated twenty of us at a time, and still managed to hold endless pounds of pasta and family arguments. I inhaled for a few solid seconds more, trying to plant the smell of the kitchen in my head forever.

I lean against a pillar, as my sister exits the house, a piece of the roof tears off and sinks into the water beneath me. I suddenly began wishing to myself that I had just stayed outside where the only thing missing were my beach chairs and annoying cousins. This was it, for all I know these pillars could collapse any second and the remainder of this house could be brushed away into the back of a disposal truck, gone just like that; kind of like magic.

Before leaving, I stand in the breezeway, my favorite room of the house; I look outside through the windows, starring at my parents in their white Toyota Rav 4 truck. I imagine myself each summer in the opposite position, I see myself waiting in the back of my parents car as they took their time to get ready, I was always so anxious to leave, but not today. From the inside looking out, it was an entirely new world; a world in which sacrifice, emotions, and memories are going to come into effect.  

Slowly, I got into the truck and we drove away, away from what used to be. This was definitely going to be a bumpy ride; a ride headed into the direction of something that has yet to come. I closed my eyes for the ride, making sure I didn’t look back.

 

If The Shoe Doesn’t Fit, Don’t Wear it.

“You don’t know shit girl, you’re just a dumbass sorority chic who has no priorities in life but partying and drinking.” That’s me he’s referring to, the dumbass sorority chic. I stare angrily at him, judging the large, obnoxious football player in front of me. I should have never started discussing overall grade point averages. I shot a comment at him about being a stupid jock, not thinking twice about it. I made my way towards the exit as soon as I was referred to as a “dumbass sorority chic,” quite frankly; I am a hell of a lot more than that.

As I enter the Greek Lounge at approximately 8:00 P.M, my usual routine on Wednesday nights, I stress about the things I have listed on my agenda. 8:00-10:00 P.M every Wednesday night; I guess you could say it’s a part of my life. I stare at the fifty three empty chairs that take up the entire lounge; they wait patiently for the rest of my sisters to arrive. I wait with the chairs, wishing I was elsewhere. I would never admit that, of course. These meetings are a ritual, sacred to our beliefs and a staple that defines who we are today. Theta Phi Alpha, which is a national sorority here at Kean University. National meaning, across the country; there are Theta Phi Alpha’s across the United States; it is kind of fascinating when you think about it.  As the clock ticks and the executive board discuss finances, future rules, suspensions, and proper badge attire, I notice my finger latch onto my pen, doodling its way into its very own dream.

Engaged in my favorite movie, my eyes were a magnet to the girl’s shirt on my television. “Where can I get that shirt?” I asked my cousin Gia. “Those are Greek letters stupid.” Gia said to me as I pictured myself in those same exact letters that the girl from House Bunny was wearing. I asked her what Greek letters meant, why Greek? Why not Spanish letters or Italian? “Greek letters represent the sorority girls are in, you don’t want to be in one of those, there a bunch of dumb sluts who pay for their friends.” I ignored her. How would she know anyway? I mean, she is only fifteen years old, exactly one year and twenty eight days older than me. She is only a sophomore in high school, how would she know what college sorority life was like?

Each member in my sorority strolled through the door with their closest friends, sitting in the empty seats that have been waiting for them since 8:00 P.M. Finally, the meeting began. As each sister went through her agenda, I noticed and felt the rash on my finger begin to act up again. The doctor said this should only happen when I start to feel a wave of stress. I am always stressed, so what does that matter? “October 19^th is Homecoming, so be there at 7:30 A.M to help set up our table and practice our song; judges will be at our table by 11: 00 A.M.” Lauren, the head of our homecoming events, said sternly, making it clear that it was crucial we were there on time. “October 20^th we need to be at the Autism Walk at 11:00 A.M for registration, and October 26^th is the Lymphoma Walk in Morristown at 5:00 P.M, and October 27^th is the Breast Cancer walk at 10:00 A.M in Edison,” our philanthropy chair reiterated. Philanthropy is a specific charity one chooses to donate to, in our case, we enjoy group walks. As I wrote all of my upcoming events down in my agenda I noticed the tip of my fingers losing their firm grip. We have not even gone through half of everyone’s positions, am I going to have time to breathe this week? My brain joined my pen, and began to lose focus.

“I got accepted for a Bid into Θ ΦA!” Brianna, my best friend said to me. Meanwhile, I’m away at Bloomsburg University in Pennsylvania, a lonely, eighteen year old, freshman, wishing I was at home with my best friend. But, what were those letters and symbols in that text message. I thought about House Bunny, and the hot, fluorescent pink letters on the girls’ shirts, but those weren’t it; maybe these were letters from another specific background, like secret code Asian letters or something. “Theta Phi Alpha is a sorority on campus, it is the best one and I am going to be a part of it!” Brianna explained further what she was joining, and I was wrong, it wasn’t a secret code for Asian letters, it was a sorority, Greek letters, the letters I had always wanted. I wanted to have fun and wear those letters. I didn’t know whether I was extremely happy for my best friend, or just jealous that I could not wear those shirts.

I glance over to my left and watch Brianna doze off. Poor girl, she works every day, takes eighteen credits, and still devotes all of her free time to this sorority. And one by one, each sister shoots out more dates for us to write in our agendas. Not even noticing that half of the girls are wearing the same letters; matching, representing what family line she falls under in our sorority. Meanwhile, I forgot to wear letters today, hopefully no one would notice. I mean, I am a senior, trying to graduate in May. My mind runs nonstop throughout the day, how could everyone expect me to attend all of these events, fundraise, receive dean’s list, and work thirty hours a week?

“Kris, if you are that unhappy at school, transfer home to Kean, and join my sorority, everyone will love you and you will never be happier.” Brianna said to me as I continuously cried to her about how homesick I was away at Bloomsburg. I thought about it that night and woke up feeling like I was on cloud nine. That is it. I am transferring home and joining that sorority, Theta Alpha something, whatever I didn’t care. I was going to wear those shirts, just like the girls in House Bunny. Yes, that was going to be me, living in a house and partying on frat row, just what I had always hoped for. Me and all of the letters I could possibly imagine.

As our meeting approaches the end, I look over at my little, Samm. “Littles,” in sorority terms is similar to a little sister through actual blood. But “Littles” in sorority terms are treated like our children. It’s complicated. Samm is a sophomore, without a position, living life to the fullest. She is having the best time of her life and has minimal distractions. She wears her letters proud and as often as possible. I would do anything to go back in time to her age.

Finally, I was accepted into my sorority. The only thing I was concerned about were those letters on that shirt I saw in House Bunny. I wanted my OWN letters, and that was final. I made sure that was my first completed task after finally being accepted in.  Hundreds, and probably thousands of dollars later, I had enough letters to wear once, every day of the month. I was told I had the most letters of any girl in the entire sorority. That’s me, “Krissy-Girl,” the one with the most letters, and usually the silliest sister in the bunch. What else mattered?

Collecting myself together at the end of my meeting, I stop and laugh at my attention span during the last two hours. I am a senior, and one of the top six leaders on the executive board of my sorority. Things are not as easy as the girl in House Bunny said they would be. Although, she never really said much, she just bounced around with her blonde hair, looking pretty as she did kegs stands in her hot pink florescent Greek letters, what a joke.

A dumbass sorority chick that has no priorities in life. Damn. Is that what people see? Don’t they know what we do throughout the week? Months? Years? I paused as reality hit me like an eighteen wheeler as I left the football house. Letters. That’s all I cared about at first, which is all I saw. How could I be mad at him for what he said? In reality, he saw more than I ever did before joining my sorority. However, what he said was not true, and extremely rude. How would he know the truth of something he was not a part of? I walked away from my friends; I needed a moment to collect myself.

Right before Ashley concludes the meeting; my mind takes a snap shot of what is in front of me. Me, the recruitment chair, next to the President, Vice- President, Treasurer, Secretary, and New Member Educator; sitting at the head of the meeting. Fifty three girls down the rows, wrapped around the room, all valuable, unique members.  There are some blondes, brunettes, blacks, whites, Spanish, Asian; a bunch of puzzle piece that create one big picture. A sorority, filled with different voices, opinions, and ideas; all formed together as one, trying to make a difference and be the best we possibly can be. How could anyone stereo type a sorority? I look down at my phone and see four text messages from my boyfriend. I don’t know how many times I have to tell him I cannot text during my meetings. But what does he know about sorority meetings, his baseball meetings can’t possibly be half as serious as this.

“Are you sure I can have these?” My little says to me as I hand her a pile of my old letters.

“Yeah, I don’t need those anymore I have too many and I barely wear them.”

Without putting up an argument, she grabbed a shirt stuffed in the back of my closet, “Can I have these?” She asked as she began to stuff my hot pink florescent letters into her bag.

“Uh… no, not those,” I responded while slowly pulling my letters away from her, picturing the girl in House Bunny. There are some things that I cannot let go of.

I gathered my belongings and began the dreadful walk to my car, which was parked in the farthest lot possible.  I think to myself and try to summarize everything that just went on during that meeting: philanthropies’, fundraisers, sisterhood events, so many things to do, but valuable and productive enough to dedicate my time to. I may dread things at times, but who doesn’t dread things that make up who you are, like school and work; everything holds a special purpose.  Assembling my thoughts, I picture that football player, the one that knows nothings about Greek life because he is not a part of it. How dare he say that about me, about my sorority, about my sisters? He doesn’t know what being part of a sorority means at all. How could people like him make comments about sororities when they don’t even know half of what really goes on anyway. After all, he’s just a stupid jock who only cares about himself and his own ego, right? Clearly, we will always be surrounded by stereotypes.